For Joe

Cold hands, mascara. I fucked up again.
I left so early, but I still am late. And I hate.
Another hour till this clock stops, and I step out to see
if you are good before they close the gate. And I hate.

Pausing for re-entry into the places I know.
The bigger forces, they take care of me.
I’m still scared, though.

You said you’d help me and you helped me,
Six foot funny and wide awake.
And if my mom knew, she’d be crying. I hate.
And here’s the moment that I realize no one knows just where I am.
The very thought puts color in my face. And I hate.

The purely good in heart are awkward, ugly people
Who don’t even know they’re good.
I’m a user. I’m so lost, all I can do is wait. And I hate.